So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
