you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
