I think i peed on brittanys purse
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
