I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
My bed smells like the plague
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
