how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
