he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
The ideal thing to do next party is to tape my boobs down so they don't knock over the pong cups while playing defense. They came back to hurt us this time
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
