i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
honey bunches of taint.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Randomize
