I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
Randomize
