dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
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There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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