and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
