bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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