I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
