It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
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