My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
sarcasm needs its own font
She's like a pop up book from hell.
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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