hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
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