I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
