It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
