Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
Randomize