Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
Randomize
