can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Don't go to sleep yet I need your Mexican roots. Can you come make guacamole
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
