I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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