He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
