Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
25 Of The Most Common Life Mistakes Young People Make
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
25 People Confess What They Really Think When They See An Obese Person
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.