Texts From Last Night

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  (610): View more from Pennsylvania

  I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.

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  (610): I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina. http://tfl.nu/pcj6
  Replies (38) Good night (4341) Bad night (841)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  handjob tips. give me some.

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  (314): handjob tips. give me some. http://tfl.nu/678j
  Replies (76) Good night (4681) Bad night (1876)
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  (440): View more from Ohio

  dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?

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  (440): dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top? http://tfl.nu/cai4
  Replies (20) Good night (6383) Bad night (1496)
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  (425): View more from Washington

  Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.

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  (425): Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older. http://tfl.nu/u48g
  Replies (3) Good night (5317) Bad night (989)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...

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  (314): I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college... http://tfl.nu/a15y
  Replies (23) Good night (12120) Bad night (1541)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.

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  (214): One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair. http://tfl.nu/h2x0
  Replies (5) Good night (2816) Bad night (1065)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.

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  (773): I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea. http://tfl.nu/j1n0
  Replies (9) Good night (621) Bad night (1642)
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  (503): View more from Oregon

  So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you

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  (503): So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you http://tfl.nu/f848
  Replies (6) Good night (1851) Bad night (509)
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  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left

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  (412): I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left http://tfl.nu/b3w5
  Replies (12) Good night (529) Bad night (932)
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  (720): View more from Colorado

  You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.

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  (720): You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work. http://tfl.nu/msxy
  Replies (0) Good night (344) Bad night (773)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.

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  (613): The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me. http://tfl.nu/tj8o
  Replies (2) Good night (1039) Bad night (429)
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  (571): View more from Virginia

  I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face

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  (571): I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face http://tfl.nu/0ur8
  Replies (3) Good night (914) Bad night (410)
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  (703): View more from Virginia

  I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.

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  (703): I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance. http://tfl.nu/khcw
  Replies (1) Good night (593) Bad night (348)
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  (661): View more from California

  I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now

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  (661): I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now http://tfl.nu/9xhp
  Replies (2) Good night (541) Bad night (304)
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  (+44): View more from United Kingdom

  Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...

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  (+44): Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends... http://tfl.nu/lfis
  Replies (1) Good night (837) Bad night (218)

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