You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is