i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
they need to just BURY HIM!
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
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he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
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the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.