If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.