I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
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It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
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We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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