i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
God gave him joint rollers for hands
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
