Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
23 Cringeworthy Responses to “I Love You”
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
These 19 Men’s Fashion Mistakes are Unforgivable, According to Women
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.