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wat bout pragnant strippers??
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i would one night stand the shit outta him
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
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