the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
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Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
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There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.