Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
So vagazzling was a success
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
