who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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