i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
