I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
