someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
