Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
You're like the curious george of whores
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
