awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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