My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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