so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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