We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Everything was going good until she wanted to update her status...You forgot to close pterodactyl porn from this morning. Clothes went back on.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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