Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
