It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
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