Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
