I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
