Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
