This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
