pedialite and red bull = repair kit
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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