I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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