I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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