You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
