his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
