I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize
