And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Randomize
