i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
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