She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Drake has all the answers
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
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