hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
