Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
