Non-Jews are for practice
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Threesome in a minivan. New low
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
