"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
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