I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
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