Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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