Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
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security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
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He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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