Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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