Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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