don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
