I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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