i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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