why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
