hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
did you just send me my own nude
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
