You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
