Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
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