Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
