dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
