uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
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