Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
