then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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