i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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