I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
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A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
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