i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
