I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
im six kinds of drunk right now
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Can you bring me the toilet please
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
Randomize
