Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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