if only i could text you this smell
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
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