Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
