I just made out with a guy for $7.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Randomize
