My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Randomize
