i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
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